Saturday, October 6, 2018

New Whataburger on Airway Promises to be Vince Perez-Claudia Ordaz Proofed

New Whataburger on Airway Promises to be Vince Perez-Claudia Ordaz Proofed
Years Later, Many Innocent Lives Still Affected by Haughty Couple
by  Satira Sinverg├╝enza
Associated Mess

With the opening of the new Whataburger on Airway, many El Pasoans were worried that it would not stand the test of County Commissioner Vince Perez and City Representative Claudia Ordaz Perez.

But in a recent press release, Whataburger Corporate Headquarters in San Antonio, assured El Pasoans that they have nothing to fear.

In speaking with the Airway Whataburger Manager, Amber Guesa, she said “the latest technology has been installed at the new Whataburger so that patrons will have no fear of their meal being interrupted by impulsive couples.”

In 2016, after a Whataburger (Montwood and Zaragoza) patron honked at a vehicle that the Perez-Ordazes where in, another passenger in their vehicle got out of the vehicle and confronted the person who honk. 

El Paso Police officers who saw the incident ask the Perez-Ordazes and company to leave the Whataburger premises.

“We have installed security cameras,” says Guesa “that can spot the Perez Ordazes from miles away.” “We can even spot other Ordazes hated by Mexicans like Gustavo Diaz Ordaz.”

“To also reassure our patrons,” stated Guesa, “we’ve asked local night clubs to call us once the Perez-Ordazes have left their night club, kind of like the warnings given when Meyrl Streep’s character’s employees would give in the ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ when she was coming up the elevator.”

City Rep. Claudia Ordaz texting during City Council meeting.
“Our staff at all locations in El Paso,” says Guesa, “has received special training.” “Staff can now put up with questions like, ‘Do you know who I am?’, ‘Do you know I can have the County food inspector here first thing Monday morning,’ ‘I’m a city representative!’ and other paper tiger warnings that El Paso’s royalty might give.”

Guesa stated that staff at the Montwood-Zaragoza Whataburger, who were victims of the Perez-Ordazes, had to go through intense PTSD therapy after the Perez Ordazes caused the late night disturbance.

“Now,” says, Guesa, “if Perez calls a responding police officers’ supervisor and demands what part of the penal code gives us authority to ask him and his wife of leave, we can give it right way.”

J. Wellington Wimpy who frequents hamburger restaurants all over El Paso stated, “I’m glad Whataburger is implementing these safeguards. I’d hate to be in a car behind Perez and Ordaz, and then be threatened with violence if I honk at them.”

Above: County Commissioner Vince Perez shows which Whataburgers he will harass next.

The Perez-Ordazes were contacted for this story, but their representative Secre N. Mucho, said they have no comment but vow to get even with Whataburger by building arenas over all restaurant locations.

Whataburger will also be offering a special hamburger to honor the Perez-Ordaz incident, calling it the "Pendejo Burger."