Tuesday, June 26, 2012

City Council: Public-Private Partnerships Now Available to People with Incomes Under 1 Billion Dollars

Public-Private Partnerships Now Available to People with Incomes Under 1 Billion Dollars
El Paso City Representatives Announce Eligible Scum of the Street

By Satira Sinvergueza

At a news conference this afternoon, City Representative and future El Paso Mayor Steve Ortega, Representatives Cortney Niland, Michael Noe, Ann Morgan Lily, and City Manager Joyce Wilson announced that public-private partnerships will now be available to the 99%.

Previously, public-private partnerships were only open to El Pasoeans with income of 1 billion dollars or more, but Ortega says, “we are now opening the doors to the peasants.”

“Those people will now be allowed to create partnerships with the City of El Paso,” said Rep. Ann Morgan Lily.

Rep. Cortney Niland says the selection process will be open to those kinds of people including:

  • The Wrenched of the Earth
  • The Salt of the Earth
  • The Peacemakers
  • Los de abajo
  • The cake eaters
  • Les Miserables
  • You people
  • Those people
  • Ann Morgan Lily's people “we vote more than”
  • Brownies, Blackies, and Orientals
  • The lesser sex
  • Los sin tierra
  • Nosotros los pobres
  • People we used eminent domain to take their land; 
  • Cortney Niland's imaginary South El Paso neighborhood associations that supported a Downtown baseball stadium; and
  • Some of my best friends.

Under the new partnership, registered Democrats will also be available to create partnership with the city, a group long-held ineligible. Applications will be accepted at the back door to City Hall. Applicants may enter through the kitchen. 

"Public-Private Partnerships will remain unavailable to Native Americans," said the representatives in a joint statement.

“We've created what we call a 'back door' packet,” said Ortega, “as opposed to the red carpet-no bid packet we usually give out.”

“I think this is a wonderful example of a public-private partnership,” continued Ortega, “which will not require me or other city council members to get our nose browned.”

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