New Whataburger on Airway Promises to be Vince Perez-Claudia Ordaz Proofed
Years Later, Many Innocent Lives Still Affected by Haughty Couple
by Satira Sinvergüenza
Associated Mess
With the opening of the new Whataburger on Airway, many El
Pasoans were worried that it would not stand the test of County Commissioner
Vince Perez and City Representative Claudia Ordaz Perez.
But in a recent press release, Whataburger Corporate
Headquarters in San Antonio, assured El Pasoans that they have nothing to fear.
In speaking with the Airway Whataburger Manager, Amber Guesa,
she said “the latest technology has been installed at the new Whataburger so
that patrons will have no fear of their meal being interrupted by impulsive couples.”
In 2016, after a Whataburger (Montwood and Zaragoza) patron honked at a vehicle that the Perez-Ordazes where in, another passenger in their vehicle got out of the vehicle and confronted the person who honk.
El Paso Police officers who saw the incident ask the Perez-Ordazes and company to leave the Whataburger premises.
Perez demanded to speak to the responding officer's supervisor, demanding to know what part of the penal code gave the El Paso Police Department authority to remove them from the property.
“We have installed security cameras,” says Guesa “that can
spot the Perez Ordazes from miles away.” “We can even spot other Ordazes hated
by Mexicans like Gustavo Diaz Ordaz.”
“To also reassure our patrons,” stated Guesa, “we’ve asked
local night clubs to call us once the Perez-Ordazes have left their night club,
kind of like the warnings given when Meyrl Streep’s character’s employees would
give in the ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ when she was coming up the elevator.”
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| City Rep. Claudia Ordaz texting during City Council meeting. |
“Our staff at all locations in El Paso,” says Guesa, “has received
special training.” “Staff can now put up with questions like, ‘Do you know who I
am?’, ‘Do you know I can have the County food inspector here first thing Monday morning,’ ‘I’m
a city representative!’ and other paper tiger warnings that El Paso’s royalty
might give.”
Guesa stated that staff at the Montwood-Zaragoza Whataburger,
who were victims of the Perez-Ordazes, had to go through intense PTSD therapy
after the Perez Ordazes caused the late night disturbance.
“Now,” says, Guesa, “if Perez calls a responding police officers’ supervisor and demands what part of the penal code gives us authority
to ask him and his wife of leave, we can give it right way.”
J. Wellington Wimpy who frequents hamburger restaurants all
over El Paso stated, “I’m glad Whataburger is implementing these safeguards. I’d
hate to be in a car behind Perez and Ordaz, and then be threatened with
violence if I honk at them.”
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| Above: County Commissioner Vince Perez shows which Whataburgers he will harass next. |
The Perez-Ordazes were contacted for this story, but their
representative Secre N. Mucho, said they have no comment but vow to get even
with Whataburger by building arenas over all restaurant locations.
Whataburger will also be offering a special hamburger to
honor the Perez-Ordaz incident, calling it the "Pendejo Burger."
