Public-Private Partnerships Now Available to People with Incomes Under 1 Billion Dollars
El Paso City
Representatives Announce Eligible Scum of the Street
By Satira Sinvergueza
At a news conference this afternoon, City
Representative and future El Paso Mayor Steve Ortega, Representatives
Cortney Niland, Michael Noe, Ann Morgan Lily, and City Manager Joyce
Wilson announced that public-private partnerships will now be
available to the 99%.
Previously, public-private partnerships
were only open to El Pasoeans with income of 1 billion dollars or
more, but Ortega says, “we are now opening the doors to the
peasants.”
“Those people will now be allowed to
create partnerships with the City of El Paso,” said Rep. Ann Morgan Lily.
Rep. Cortney Niland says the selection process will be open to
those kinds of people including:
- The Wrenched of the Earth
- The Salt of the Earth
- The Peacemakers
- Los de abajo
- The cake eaters
- Les Miserables
- You people
- Those people
- Ann Morgan Lily's people “we vote more than”
- Brownies, Blackies, and Orientals
- The lesser sex
- Los sin tierra
- Nosotros los pobres
- People we used eminent domain to take their land;
- Cortney Niland's imaginary South El Paso neighborhood associations that supported a Downtown baseball stadium; and
- Some of my best friends.
Under the new partnership, registered
Democrats will also be available to create partnership with the city,
a group long-held ineligible. Applications will be accepted at the back door to City Hall. Applicants may enter through the kitchen.
"Public-Private Partnerships will remain unavailable to Native Americans," said the representatives in a joint statement.
“We've created what we call a 'back
door' packet,” said Ortega, “as opposed to the red carpet-no bid
packet we usually give out.”
“I think this is a wonderful example
of a public-private partnership,” continued Ortega, “which will
not require me or other city council members to get our nose
browned.”
